People are a curious bunch. I hope you can find the answer to your questions below.
What’s your return policy?
We do not have one. Once you bought it, its yours. We can't afford returns, what are we, mainline?
Do you ship oversees and to P.O. boxes?
Yes, we’ll ship your package anywhere that can accept deliveries.
Do you have customer service?
Of course! Its not great. I mean, its just Louie in a dark room but he will try to help you.
Where is my luggage?
We don't know. Where did you last see it? Let me guess, its a black case with wheels and a silver handle, right? Yeah, so is everyone else's. Cool your jets, we will get it to you. Probably.
Why did my flight leave without me?
You were late. Deal with it.
My flight attendant was rude to me. Can I have compensation for my emotional distress?
No. They probably had a good reason to be rude to you. Stop fishing for money you jerk.
How can I upgrade to business class?
Make more money and purchase a business class seat. Let's face it, if you could afford it you wouldn't be flying on Speedtape Airlines.